


this love is difficult (but it's real)

by awesomeaislin



Series: Carry On Countdown 2018 [30]
Category: Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: AU, Christmas, DEC 24 - Wayward Son, Fluff, M/M, just a cute little story
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-25 19:50:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,366
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17127656
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/awesomeaislin/pseuds/awesomeaislin
Summary: Simon sneaks out to find Baz on Christmas."I go the romcom route of throwing rocks at his window. After a few minutes of that I really wish I’d found a way to get my phone. I’m considering walking back (But how would I get back through the window in this weather?) when Baz opens the window.“What are you doing?” He asks. He’s looking at me like I’m the dumbest person he’s ever met. (He looks at me like that alot.)"





	this love is difficult (but it's real)

**Author's Note:**

> So as a general rule at this point I don't write prediction fics, so I had to find a way around it, so this is what I've ended up at. I had two ideas for this, and this was the one I had time to figure out. I've really enjoyed doing the carry on countdown. Thank you to everyone who read what i've written.

No matter what I do. It’s not enough. It will never be enough for him. 

I will always be his wayward son. 

It’s almost easier to betray him once I’ve come to terms with it. I guess I’m not betraying him perse. Or, at least, I don’t think I am. But he would think so. 

Davy, he’s not deserving of being called father, has been telling me what to do my entire life. As far back as I can remember, he’s been giving me orders. As if I’m a soldier and not his son. 

I used to wonder if my mum would have been like this too. I have no way of knowing. She died before I was born. But I can’t assume she was. Not everyone is as bad as he is. 

My whole life has been: ‘ _ You must get good grades.’  _ and  _ ‘Make as many allies are you can. It is important that you are well liked.’  _ or repeatedly  _ ‘Keep an eye on that Pitch boy.’  _

That last one is what got me into this in the first place. If I hadn’t been tasked with keeping such a careful eye on Baz, then I might not have noticed him at all ( _ A bullshit thought. I’d have noticed Baz even if there had been a million other people for me to keep an eye on.)  _ I certainly wouldn’t have watched him so carefully, and may have never figured out I was completely, ridiculously, desperately attracted to him. 

But I did have to watch him, and I did notice him, and I did realize...eventually. First there were years of arguing, and fights, and attacks. But now... well now we still definitely argue  _ and  _ fight  _ and  _ attack, but at least now Baz never attacks with his fists. Now the standard when I’ve annoyed him enough is just being shoved against a door and kissed until I think I’m going to pass out. (He’s always been rather ruthless.)

But I’m not with him now. Davy and I got into a fight because I haven’t been serving his cause well enough. “I won’t get re elected if you aren’t presentable enough.” As if I’m the only reason someone would be against his politics. (I know that can’t be true. Ask Baz.)

We yelled and yelled and yelled. Nevermind that it’s Christmas. Nevermind that he’s supposed to care about me more than his dumb office. Nevermind that I hadn’t actually done anything wrong. We yelled until he locked me in my room. 

I wish I were anywhere else. I would take anywhere over here tonight. I don’t even have my phone (the shittiest one money can buy, thank you very much.), so I can’t annoy Penny or Baz. I really wish I were annoying Baz right now. 

I wish so hard that my brain surprised with an idiotic, brilliant plan. My room has a window. Why don’t I just leave out of it? It’s hardly as if Davy would miss me. And I wouldn’t care if he did. 

I’m unlocking the window and jumping out before I’ve even thought it through. 

I know I’ve made the right decision even as I’m wading through the snow. I can’t go to Penny because she’s too far away. I whole two miles in this weather would be a bad idea. However, I can make it the mile to Baz’s. The issue is getting inside. (Baz’s father doesn’t care for me either.)

I go the romcom route of throwing rocks at his window. After a few minutes of that I really wish I’d found a way to get my phone. I’m considering walking back (But how would I get back through the window in this weather?) when Baz opens the window. 

“What are you doing?” He asks. He’s looking at me like I’m the dumbest person he’s ever met. (He looks at me like that alot.) 

“I wanted to see you,” I say honestly. I do alot better with Baz when I just say sappy and ridiculous things at him. I think he likes it even though he always rolls his eyes and shoves me. 

“Sap,” He rolls his eyes. “Meet me by the back door.”

Baz’s house is enormous. It takes me a whole two minutes to get to the backdoor, and it takes him a full three. But I’m thankful it’s so enormous, or else I might get caught sneaking in. 

“It’s too cold for you to be out here,” Baz tells me as if I don’t know. He always treats me like I don’t know anything. It drives me crazy. 

“So let me in then.” He’s blocking my way. He’s just taking up the entryway making a scene. He always makes a scene.  

“Make me.”

So I shove my mouth onto his and push him back through the door. It’s risky. If his family were to find us...well I don’t know what would happen. Nothing good, I imagine. 

“Merry Christmas, Snow,” Baz laughs as he pulls back. He takes my hand and leads me up the stairs. He brings me into his room. 

The first time I was in Baz’s room I nearly lost my mind laughing. (He’d turned this bright shade of pink he was so embarrassed. I wanted to take a picture and have it framed.) ‘ _ You have gargoyles on your bed,’  _ I’d cackled. ‘ _ 42 gargoyles,’  _ he’d corrected. But that only made me laugh harder. 

I don’t laugh now as he shoves me into his bed, and lies down next to but basically on top of me. Baz is weird about closeness. Even when we aren’t snogging, he likes to be as close as he can get. Which is odd considering how aloof he normally is, or used to be. 

“Did you have a good day?” I ask him. He’s resting his head on my shoulder, and his hand is tracing along my arm. It’s probably an actual complicated pattern, but I’m too tired to decipher it. 

“It was...” He pauses to think about his words. He’s not always so quick when he’s being soft. He likes to pick the right thing to say. “It was lonely without you.”

“You had your family,” I reason. 

He burrows his head closer to me somehow. “They aren’t you. How was your day?”

“Shit,” I chuckle. “It was shit, but it seems ok now.”

I don’t have look at him to know he’s blushing again. I play with his hair. I love it when it’s loose like this. It’s soft and nice and well taken care of. 

“I got you a gift,” Baz tells me. He makes no effort to go get said gift. I’m sure he’s reluctant to leave this moment. He’s always reluctant to leave moments behind. 

“I didn’t get you one,” I say. He knows I couldn’t have. He always knows. 

“Being here is enough,” He smiles. I love when Baz smiles because I know it’s rare. He doesn’t just smile at anyone. You have to earn it. 

“You’re such a sap,” I laugh. I’m not laughing at him. I’m more just laughing out of happiness. I never thought my laugh would get to this point. I never thought I’d get anything as good as Baz.

“Noone will believe you if you tell.”

“I know.” 

He pulls his face back so he can look at me. Baz is a starer. Sometimes I think he’d be content just to sit here for the rest of his life and stare at me. 

“Kiss me,” I tell him instead. He needs a bit of prodding. 

“Ugh,” He sighs at me. He’s always been a mean git, but there’s no bite now. “Why must I always do all the work, Snow.”

But he leans in anyway, and kisses me until I forget about my terrible father, and how much trouble I’m going to be in when I get home, and how screwed we are if we’re caught. 

“I love you,” I tell him because it’s Christmas, and because it's true, and because I’ve never said it to anyone and meant it. 

“And you say you didn’t get me anything,” Baz rolls his eyes at me. “I love you too, you moron.”

**Author's Note:**

> glad this whole countdown thing is over, but had fun doing it. It will be weird not to have something to occupy my time with.


End file.
